surrender

By definition the word surrender means to abandon oneself entirely to a powerful influence. During training camp that is what the Lord asked me to do over and over again. 

I felt like I had never really heard the holy spirit speak to me and I was so confused when people would talk about it. I wondered, did they actually hear a voice, was it a thought, an image? I wondered all of these until night 2 of worship out of nowhere the word surrender came into my mind. I didn’t really know what it meant or what I was suppose to do with it so I just sat with it. I sat with this word for a few days and then one night miraculous healings started to break out after a message. Never in my life had I seen anyone be healed and to be honest I didn’t really buy it. Nevertheless I asked my squad mates to pray over my knee which had been killing me for a few months now and I knew would be a struggle during our hike. Before I knew it I was engulfed in hands and prayers from all around. My brothers and sisters were fighting for this healing on my behalf. I was praying and feeling for pain every once in a while and… nothing. I was getting so frustrated asking the Lord what I was doing wrong, why was everyone else being healed but not me? As I was pleading with Him a girl from my squad came up and said to me ” I feel like the Lord wanted me to tell you that you just need to surrender to Him.” That word again. I didn’t know what to do with it so I just started to pray for the holy spirit to tell me what I needed to do. The more I prayed the more clear it all seemed, my life was always MY life, my words where always MY words, my steps where always MY steps. But I can’t do anything without Jesus, I can’t even take a breath without Him. So in the middle of this sea of people I just said ” Lord, take it. My life is yours, I don’t want it. I want YOU. I surrender.” The music had stopped, the testimonies were over, the prayers died down, and my knee still hurt. I was met with hopeful “He’s not done yet”, “All in His timing” and I believed these things but I was still a little disappointed. But our God is sweet and comforting and he quickly told me, “You were healed tonight. It wasn’t your knee, it was your heart.” 

As we sat down as a squad after that night I raised my hand to share what the Lord had done in me and before I knew it I was announcing that I wanted to get rebaptized. When I was baptized almost 5 years ago I believed in Jesus and that He had died for me but I was still making my own decisions, I was still believing that my way was better so I wanted to claim my freedom and shout to the world that I am HIS and that I am choosing Him over all my worldly desires FOREVER. The next day my squad leader came up to me with a key he had made with a word the Lord put on his heart… yep you guessed it : surrender. 

I wanted to share this story with you guys because this feels like a new beginning for me. I saw Jesus in a whole new light at training camp and man He is CRAZY (thanks for the word Jaynna). My eyes were made new and my life was made whole. I’m really excited to continue seeing the Lord for all He is and witnessing all He is going to do. If you want to talk more with me about what Jesus did in me during TC please feel free to reach out. I’m so thankful for this opportunity to share His goodness, I know its a long one but thank you all for reading!

– Mags